January 2nd, 2019: It was a normal admission. In and out within 5 days just to adjust my intravenous IV meds dosage. My doctor happened to be out the day before when I went to clinic, so I saw a new cystic fibrosis doctor. We agreed it was time to go in for an admission, and he decided to really attack my bacteria. I liked the sound of that because I was desperate to feel better.
It was the first evening of my admission (second one in less than a month) and I felt really sick from the antibiotics. It was weird to me because I’ve been on these since December 14, so I wondered why I felt so sick and off.
Day two into the admission and I began to realize something was wrong but I wasn’t able to communicate properly. The whole world felt far away, and whenever I tried to speak it sounded like I was on a microphone inside a large stadium. I was scared, but just figured it’s the new dose of the antibiotics, so I didn’t say anything.
By day 3, I could barely walk. The whole world now felt like it was jell-o. My legs didn’t work properly and I was extremely confused. I wasn’t sure where I was at. I walked down to the lobby and ended up in weird parts of the hospital. I thought I was dreaming. By this point, talking was too hard so I only whispered, and tried my best to communicate with nurses. I lost my sense of touch. Nothing felt right. My hands couldn’t grab anything. I was throwing anything I held in my hands.
At the end of day 3, I got a splitting migraine, as this drug causes. It was so bad they stopped the antibiotic all together. I say to this day that headache saved me. What I just explained to you is called colistimethate toxicity. My sitting dose of colistin was 40mg, and it’s only supposed to be upped 5mg per day, due to its danger to the kidneys. I was taken from 40mg to 75mg in the same day, which could be fatal. Colistin causes diaphragm muscles to become paralyzed at a dose like 75mg.
For weeks, and still to this day, I have problems grabbing small items. I have accepted that it won’t go away because that antibiotic poisoned me.
Battling2Breathe 
damn i’m so sorry about that! i (and my parents as well) am very paranoid so the slightest thing i either communicate or my medical staff ends up finding out anyway by looking at me.
are you really sure the effects will never ever go away? or are they a bit like immunosuppressants: always going be there but barely noticeable after a long time?
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